I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
