got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want nice things and good sex
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
