well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
