My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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