I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
