I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
