You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
