i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
