Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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