he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
