Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
only if we run a train.
done.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
