Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
