you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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