He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
