yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
