Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
