Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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