I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
