community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
