I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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