He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
