if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
