apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
