I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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