remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
