People with herpes should wear stickers.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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