we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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