I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
