If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
