Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
