He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
