We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
