Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My ass is underappreciated
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
