filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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