Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
