Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
