How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
