well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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