Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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