So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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