She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
