Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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