Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
