ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
