Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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