Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
