Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
