I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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