Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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