I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
