I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your dad touched me again.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
