so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
