I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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