if i died would you start the facebook group?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
