There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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